That’s why you get married. That’s why God formed marriage.
Here’s the problem — that’s not why most people get married.
At least, that’s not why I were married. I got married to be happy.
Don’t get me wrong. I was into all that other stuff. She was my closest friend. There was a calling on our life together that we were excited about. Sex…uh…yes. And we both craved a family one day. But none of those reasons were the reason.
Like millions upon hundreds of thousands of other Americans, I married for happiness.
That dins innocuous at first glance. Heck, it resonates romantic. But the fus is that happiness is the result of a healthy matrimony. It’s not the reason for wedding. Happiness is a great thing, but it’s the by-product, the afterclap of marriage. It’s not the point.
God doesn’t look down on Adam and say, “He searches pathetic. He needs a lift. He needs another human being to quench the yearning of his soul. I will build him a aid to satisfy his deepest yearnings. Eve, the pressure’s on.” Of course not. Simply God can do that.
A spouse is not a substitute for God.
The point of marriage isn’t to find our missing half. It’s to help each other become all God proposed. Our future, real egoes. In matrimony, two beings spouse to that end. They realise very best in one another — the person God caused them to be — and they push and pull each other toward that goal.
Don’t get married because you think he or she is “the one.” Trust me, they’re not. There’s no such thing! But do get married when you determine who God is shaping somebody to be, and it illuminates you up. When you want to be a part of that floor of alteration, that outing to the future. When you are aware it will be a long and rutted ride, but you don’t want to miss one mile. Because you believe in God’s calling on them, and you crave in.
My wife builds me a better person. She announces out the best in me. She calls me to live up to who I really am, to who God is realizing me to be.
She also brings out the worst in me. What Paul calls “the flesh.” The ugly, nasty part of me that doesn’t want to change. She discloses my selfishness and my pride.
That’s why marriage is humbling. I reckoned I was a jolly decent guy — and then I were married. Turns out I’m kind of a toolshed. It’s easy to be a decent guy when “youre living in” a bubble. But when you step into marriage, your true-blue emblazons bleed out. It’s like squeezing a sponge. Whatever is on the inside “re coming out”, for better or for worse.
I cringe when I’m at a marry where the person says, “I promise to build you happy.” I want to stand up and scream, “You can’t continue that hope. It’s impossible. You aren’t God! ”
Is it any wonder that the number-one justification for divorce is “I deserve to be happy”? If you put your faith in your spouse to see you happy, it’s simply a matter of time until they let you down.
Our whole mindset[ of] happy is deeply flawed. “I deserve to be happy.” Really? I’m not sure that’s right.
All of life is a gift from the Creator God. We think we have the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, ” but contrary to what the American propaganda machine says, happy is not a privilege. It’s a talent. God doesn’t owe you anything. And neither does your marriage. It’s all a gift.
You have to get this before you to enter into marriage. Sadly, I didn’t, and it justification me so much pain. Not to mention how it hurt my wife.
If you go into marriage searching for happiness, all you will do is walk out filled with disillusionment. Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is incredible! But it’s not heaven on earth. It’s two divulged parties coming together to follow God’s calling on their lives.
Let marriage be marriage, and give God be God. Let marriage be for friendship and subsidize and fornication and family and recreation. And make God be the well for your spirit. Your source of life.
This doesn’t mean you won’t be happy in wedding. I am. Most of the best storages of “peoples lives” have my wife attached to them. Our honeymoon in Europe, moving to Portland, starting a faith, the birth of our first progeny, that vacation in Kauai — we did all of that together. And it was fun. If I were to edit her out of my floor, it would be flat, anemic and boring.
Here’s what I’ve learned over the last few years. God is the basis of my life , not my bride. She’s an astonishing offering that I don’t deserve, but she’s not Jesus. It took me a long time to get this. And to be honest, I’m still pounding away on living it out. Hopefully, you’ll get this sooner than I did. Because the beauty of this route of living is that if and when gaiety shows up on your doorstep, it’s icing on the cake.