My attempt to convey the insight Ive gained in the past 30 years, has proven to be more challenging than initially apprehended. It wasnt plainly such matters of rostering a series of learn, but prioritising and selecting the most critical ones, that have left a long-lasting imprint on me and have determined my persona in accordance with the rules parties and I recognise it today.
Earlier this year, I called the most difficult mosaic museum in the world called the Zeugma museum in Gaziantep, Turkey. I remember that day, when I lurched amid the ancient ruins gloriously made, I almost felt like touring back in time. Every mosaic told a legend; every coloured stone represents an section, which when made, recreated a whole era.
As I was approaching 30, a cascade of questions and explanations was triggered in my foreman. What have I learned in the past 30 times? Have I learned anything at all? I reflected, dug up interred remembrances, relived vivid mementoes, by seeking to recreate the mosaic of my own life.
1. Everything is transient .
Like most people, I grew up believing in immortality. Eternal life, everlasting adoration, and everlasting happy are some of the everlastings I aspired to reach. Whether fomented by religion or fright, immortality is a superstition, a specter we privately nurture in the shadows of our thoughts, hoping itll become real one day. “Thats what” my recur damages represented me realise. All “peoples lives” events were like motions upon which I surfed, for merely a little while. They all make my inner shorings one day, and disappeared in the sand of my rememberings. Some occasions stood, yes, but they were never the same again. Everything is momentary. Dont you think?
2. The grass isnt greener on the other side .
We spend a lot of our time wishing to have what we dont have. If we have a garden-variety, united are hoping for a wood, and we have a wood, marriage wish for a jungle, and if we have a jungle, well, wed are hoping for a garden-variety. We think that other people lives are better. We guess their moon is always full and their aces are always brighter. I myself, was not immune to such a behaviour. But oh how mistaken we are! Dont we know that we all have a burden to carry, that we all are soldiers of life engaging a battle no one is well aware of? I learned to spend time irrigating my inner garden and sowing my own seeds. After all, our plants are all susceptible to droughts and worms , no matter in which region they originate. Grass is grass.
3. The pride is a artillery of mass destruction .
I grew up in a culture that constantly tries to prove itself. Trapped in a battle between conservatism and liberalism, we perpetually attempt to find an identity that defines us, and regain the lost articles of ourselves sown between the East and the West. This might be more pronounced in my culture than in others, but I dare say its not uncommon to anyone. Dont we all try to prove ourselves in many ways? Dont we all want to prove we exist? This is called self-love. A dominating ability that indicates our desire to impose, defeat, engulf, and acquire. I myself, descended prey to my pride many times. Pride, arrogance, and pretension are all evidences of a enlarged I and major hurdles to reaching ones full capability. Our self-esteem destroys us, destroys others, and blinds us. I learned to be more humble, more affectionate, to settlement, and to forgive. In short, I learned to see more with my middle for “its only” with the heart that one can see rightly; which is critical is invisible to the eye.
4. Kindness is a artillery of mass structure .
Can we all recall a occasion when weve been manhandled? It happens nearly anywhere: at work, at home, on the street, and in our social cliques. Doesnt it? Mistreatment is a form of violence that fuels the beasts of retaliation lying dormant beneath our ego. Our reactions often bring up same high levels of temper, mistreat, and harshness. Ive said and done a few periods, until I ultimately learned to do the opposite more often. Being category among the wolves is neither cowardice nor weakness, as our ego falsely indicates. Kindness is a artillery of mass creation, the ultimate look of maturity and knowledge. It rebuilds the dismantled segments of adore, regenerates ones glory, and soothes even the most painful psychological wraps. Coming to think about it, kindness has always been rewarding to me and has always done me right. So no matter how strong the suggest to suffer or destroy the other might be, I learned to let kindness dominate, because its only then that I am a winner.
5. Finding a lifetime spouse is not a pre-requisite for delight .
We live in a world where finding our significant other is perceived as a requisite, an ultimate goal in itself. Most of us remember the eternal concert and its traditional shifts sung all around us: acquiring the( right) one, getting married, and having children. While to some this is a secret recipe for gaiety, to me its announced racket, an annoying resonance in the background. I learned how to ignore it. In reality, I realised that I congregated many ones, and I believe they were all right. Just because they didnt stay, doesnt mean they were wrong. Over duration, I learned to compose my own sonata and developed different moves. I called them self-sufficiency, sovereignty, democracy, and objectivity. I am all these four. I am floored. I am proud.
6. Happiness obscures in small things .
When I was younger, I created an image of myself at the age of 30 which is today a black and white painting remaining in the book of my reminiscence. I retained it there purposefully to prompt me of how far I was from world. All the expectations and hopes I had for what a joyous life consider this to be were merely an apparition. In that photo, I was posing with a spouse and three children, all of whom I havent fulfilled yet. My life today is all but conventional. It doesnt meet our societys minimum standards of a joyous life. But oh how rich I am! How free and luck I am to experience adventures out of the everyday and minutes of infinite pleasure! I find gaiety in small things: in the recess of coffee shops, in one boundary of a work, in reacting a homeless, in exchanging a smile with a stranger, in wandering in a very old palace. We dont need to follow standards and norms. We dont need be conventional. Gaze around! Happiness hides in small things.
7. Everything is poison , nothing is poison, it is all a matter of dose .
This learning goes back to my chemistry class in academy. I didnt know back then that its a philosophy I should apply in all aspects of my life. It is announced moderation, an indispensable part for my equilibrium. Moderation in love, in fun, in passions, makes inner quietnes even to the most tempestuous feelings. It has remained me solidly floored and stable. I notes the fact that the majority of beings struggle to maintain checks and balances and are more inclined towards extreme opposing spars. They either have an overdose of everything or choice never to taste anything. This is perhaps why my speed are unlikely to be synchronised with the majority. My sorenes doesnt come from what they say or do, but how often they say what they say or do what they do. Too much enjoy can suffocate, while too little affection can lead to famine. I learned to cherish just enough, have fun just enough, scream just enough, and be just enough.
8. Patience is a honour .
I am an impatient party. I live more in the future than the current. My resource is always racing with duration. I coat photographs of the flowers thatll grow the following spring. I find waiting to be very hard. I never got used to its bitterness. I recollect awaiting is maybe the heaviest load borne by the feeling. Yet, waiting is inevitable. Examining back at my life, I realise that all the good situations that happened to me construed the sun after longer periods of waiting. It is genuine these periods were intercepted with bouts of agitation, but they were developed, influenced, and polished by patience. The questions that once beset me about passion, friendship, vocations, self-worth and others, all saw their rebuttals in my perseverance. It might be true after all that good concepts come to those who wait.
9. Good quality rapports trouble .
This might be a bit technical but analyzes have shown that good quality relations are associated with better health upshots, and this is not just physical health. Loneliness for instance increases the risk of feeling and is associated with a lower life expectancy. The conclusions by the Harvard Study of Adult Development recently presented on TEDx supported an ancient wise we are all familiar with. The examine watched the well-being of beings for over 75 times and concluded that good relations keep us happier and healthier. I learned to nurture the relationships I have, to protect and safeguard them. I still abhor the abundance of beings in my life. I dont have neither experience , nor vigour , nor the appetite to collect friends and relationships. I am just happy and grateful with the few ones I have.
10. We accept the love we think we deserve .
Or so Ive heard for years and times without knowing what this signifies exactly. Ive countenanced mistreatments many times. I wept as a result of it many times. Yet Ive made the same alternatives time and again. Why do we re-engage, over and over, in knowledge that once made us suffer? Today the answer comes as clearly as ever: because we dont think we deserve better. Over meter, I learned to appreciate myself, significance myself, respect myself, enjoy myself, and its only then, only when I saw how deserving I am, that my options became rightful, healthier, nurturing, and fertilizing. I do deserve a good life. So do you. I do deserve to be loved. So do you. I do deserve to be treated well. So do you. Today, I will never abide anything less. And so you will.
11. Reading is an antidote to mediocrity .
Perhaps this is why our world is mediocre. I was oblivious to the supernatural the consequences of journals for years and times until I had my own space. I immersed into the supernatural macrocosm of books and experienced dive in an ocean make use of ink with ripples make use of designs. Every time I open a work, I feel like promoting a drapery off of my someone. And every time I close a book, I realise that I am one step closer to myself. I learned that reading remedies loneliness, reacts our most complex questions, transcends distance and hour, and unites us with humanity, record, opening, and the future.
12. Most parties are starving for love .
Have you ever been verbally or emotionally abused? Well, I have. Although my nerve has never grown immune to negativity, hurtful usage, unkindness, and cruel practice, Ive learned something that eventually changed my perception towards such utterly common behaviours. I believe that behind every negative mention, every wounding term, every insensitive gesticulate, there is a person that hasnt been adored enough. What a pity! How numerous parties implore to be loved hitherto never acknowledge so! The need of desire must have created an enormous painful vacant in the mind. I believe we all have a bird inside us. When desired enough, the fowl flaps its wings and wing. And when not, it exploits its nose to destroy. What I learned, is to always “il do my best” to love that bird.
13. Silence is mending .
Perhaps this is why our world is so ill. My culture loves noise. Laughs are loud, greets are loud, departures are raucous, everything roar. There is surely a reasons for most people obscure behind the racket. Do we know what it is? I think to avoid silence. In silence, people can hear themselves and theyre all too often scared to listen. Silence is like a river of fresh water running inside the being, and filling the crannies created by noise with a soothing tranquility. Silence mends, clears up distractions, rectifies prejudices, touches off the remnants of uncertainty, and creates people closer to each other. I learned to listen to the chime of stillnes. Silence is a story teller, a counsellor, and a friend.
14. Between love and abhor, detachment is the worst .
There is nothing worse than being stuck in a state of nothingness. A commonwealth where you feel neither hot nor cold, neither roused nor tired, neither interested nor digested, neither happy nor lamentable, neither calm nor enraged. You swim in a vacuum that is full of oxygen yet void of life, full of seat, yet void of freedom, full of stillnes, yet void of peacefulnes. Do we subsist only because the matter making our person is alive? Or does existence be extended beyond the matter, beyond existence, to where the person shakes, sings, adorations and hates all at the same duration? I subsist when I desire, when I detest. I exist because I seem. Indifference is death.
15. Sometimes a job is just a enterprise .
Many of us work in occupations they dont like. We endow a great deal of our times, mental, intellectual and psychological vitality in the workplace. We project our whole being and get paid for it at the end of the month. At wreak we desire, we jealousy, we search scrutiny, we yell, we agonise, we bare encumbrances, because we are all humans no matter where we are. However, we often fail to recognise that we all have capacities beyond the handiwork we do, the job we play, and the stipend we get. A errand is just a job. We are much more than that. Most parties recollect I can change the world because Im a humanitarian worker. They dont know that Ive changed the world much more outside my work: at home, on the phone, in a pub, in face to face dialogues, in coffee breaks, in my dream. My job is just a task and I am much more than that.
16. Its never too late to change a life itinerary .
The conviction that our life footpath is like a ladder it is also necessary ascent takes a very linear approach to life, a way that takes you from A to B in a straight line. The reality however is very different. Numerous cables meet, bend, elongated, and even cringe to nearly exactly a quality. This is how my life has been so far. A involved geometry with multiple starting points, results, latitudes, and spiralings. As Im moving forward, unwrapping my inner offerings and warming up in my heat kindles, Im detecting who I really am and what I certainly miss. I now know that if I wake up one day and decide to quit, I will quit. Its never too late to veer, never too late to change tacks. I will still be following a line, a line that my heart will suck, and I know, deep inside, that the matter is text will not be linear.
17. Every reality is wrong, every reality is privilege .
People are a combination of rainbows and water. An array of mellowed colours that gets either diluted or saturated with costs, opinions, impressions, and outlooks, throughout the course of their lives. This eclectic sort of being arouses multiple worlds that are reliably praised by its builders, by us. All beings have actualities that look right to them but wrong to others, acceptable to them but dejected by others. Ive requested myself: what sees one more right than the other? What absolute truth is there when all actualities hold true to one person at the least? I learned that everything can be right and everything can be wrong. It all depends on whos judging.
18. Promises are easier interrupted than fulfilled .
I learned to predict nothing to no one. For why would I commit to a future that descends entirely outside of my see? We often underestimate the power of words said today not realising that theyll carry a big responsibility tomorrow. We like to play tricks with the future by thoughts it, fantasising about it, creating and re-creating the end results. And then what happens when its there? Welcome to the land of frustrations! Our promises are paroles that time haphazardly and playfully rearranges until a whole new section is modelled, a whole new implication is penetrated and the promise is completely broken.
19. We are more fragile than we fantasize .
There are instants in life when everything seems to be just fine, when the forces of sort seem to be directed towards the center maintaining checks and balances, an equilibrium. Then all of a sudden, out of the tender placidity of our being, rises a stormy whirlwind: broken off, divorces, demises, rebuffs, frustrations Moods start to swing, recollects raze, principles collapse, promises destroy, betrayals begin, and we lose balance. The self-portrait we once decorated that indicated an indestructible persona, unexpectedly loses these exceedingly traits amid the transformation of our life occurrences. We then recollect how fragile “weve been”. We recollect how delicate orchids can be. We remember that we are breakable. We remember, the unbearable lightness of( our) being.
20. Principles should only be forged with knowledge .
I learned to never bind myself to a principle against which I havent tested my lures hitherto. This realisation came after I break-dance numerous principles I once envisaged are unshakable. Ive learned to destroy and rebuild my principles with experience. With season, I learned to calibrate the appropriate levels of right and wrong, the ones that I judge as acceptable to me. I forged new ways of feeling. I characterized my appraises. And its only then, that I was able to articulate what my principles are.
21. A little bit of chaos is vital .
I come from a culture adorned by chaos. Even our breathes are tumultuous and lack rhythm. You can insist its pollution; I think its fear. Two years ago, I connected a culture that enjoys penalty. Everything is very neat and tidy: the streets, the human behaviours, and of course The System. Having known the sides of the discipline silver, I came to the conclusion that a little of chaos is necessary. It boosts creativity, imparts abundant room for parties to envision, to act differently, to be submitted with different solutions. Tough rules, systemisation, plans, and automation are the enemies of invention. Chaos is a mark of life. You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing idol. Now I know why each time I look at the sky, all I witness are shooting stars.
22. Magic is very .
Do you feel at times that our universe speaks to us in a mysterious code that we can no longer see into a clearly defined usage? The more day legislates, the more I find myself looking at the world with homage and awe. How small-minded we are in this infinite nature! Were finite entities in an infinite macrocosm! Its genuine that we reached a decent tier of understanding in cosmology, physics, maths, and biology, yet there are so many things we still dont know. Our cosmo is prodigious! What about the ideas of destiny, serendipity, meaningful coincidences, synchronicities? My life has been full of such strange episodes. I believe in supernatural. I conceive magical is real.
23. If it doesnt feel right, then its absolutely no truth to the rumors .
Sometimes we decide to take a step in our life. We decide to just go for it, because everything around us tells us its right. We envision and rethink about the whole scenario, analyse it, joins the causes to the effects, and hitherto , no matter how coherent and logical all the data has appeared to be, something( inexplicable) leaves us worried and iffy. Does it announce familiar? Well, it is definitely to me! I would describe this something as a tickle in my nature, a bit vibration in my outdoes out of the ordinary. And I feel it , no matter how low-toned the frequency is. I learned to trust my instinct and listen more to my inner voice. I learned that its the one that tells the truth.
24. Sometimes, by walking away you move forward .
Throughout my walk of life, there were seasons when I stopped for a( long) while and allowed my mettle to territory, lash harder, and get attached. Get attributed to what? To beings, objectives, places, solace zones And then I got stuck. This is what connects do, dont you think? They mess with age and infinite facets, disorient us, and leave us lost in a circle dancing tango alone! Sometimes, its only by walking away that it is possible to re-established our room and age coordinates. It takes time, mettle, and a strong will to let go, but eventually, the demo must go on.
25. Art is a language we should learn .
It took me time to understand the language of art. Just like stillnes, artistry has a mending influence. Painting, writing, dancing, sculpting, all address a similar usage: the language of charm, spirituality, and life. Museums to me are like hallowed tabernacles. Sanctified “re all the” pious who bend with admiration to the charm of prowes! Tell us stand still and marvel at the secrets of a depict! Give us tolerate the silence in colours brush off the rackets inside our heads! A macrocosm without artwork is like a desert without sand: lonely and imperfect. So give us rejoice!
26. It is how it is .
Why do you think the sky is blue? Why the quality had not yet been flavor? Why the announces cannot be seen? Well, because it is how it is. How often do we find ourselves lost in the labyrinth of life happenings , not knowing the how and why, the cause and the effect? We examine beings die every day for no obvious conclude. We visualize beings break up, wed, weep, chuckle, twilight, stand up and we are only dont know how and why. As hour moves on, we accept to live with this mystery. We accept that some questions have no answers. In information, we accept stillnes to be our only response. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and this is all we need to know.
27. You dont need a lot of money to be happy .
In case we havent noticed yet, “were all” slaves of consumerism. Money reaching remains clambering the ladder of our priorities , not so much better by willingness as by sheer requisite. I accept we do need some fund to live a respectable life where our payments are considered, our legislations are paid, our food is, or even our jaunts proposes are secured. But when I look around me and to continue efforts to make sense of the unhappiness I see in peoples sees, I encounter thoughts like low self-worth, horror of friendship, an advise to be understood, a need to be loved, a demand to be recognised, a dissatisfaction with the present, a shyness to see the real soul, a desire to alliance with the other Theyre all things that cant be bought by fund yet are all needed to be happy.
28. What you fight perseveres .
Sometimes, when our emotional buttons are pushed as a result of say, death of a closed one, rejection by business partners, or a tough gossip, we either deny or confront those exceedingly fierce and acidic notions bubbling inside us. But dont you feel its sometimes bigger than you? Dont you feel that no matter how hard you try to eliminate that bitterness, the after savor abides long after the accident? I learned to neither disavow nor tackle, but to embracing. I learned to embrace my sadness and consent it, until sadness itself evaporates in the heat of the espouse, and eventually, evaporates.
29. We are good by nature but debased by culture .
This is a philosophy by J.J. Rousseau that dates back to the 18 th century. I am a protagonist of it. I speculate parties are born good, until they grow layer makes. What a pretense “were living in”! Beings have become too busy house and embellishing their layers: mantles of dominance, suspicion, wavering, you identify it. Its a world-wide of bogus smiles rather than genuine weepings. A macrocosm where adoration is articulated in “the worlds largest” polite and formal mode, rather than through gazes sparkling with delight. Public learned how to breathe behind concealments. I learned that the world around me is not real.
30. My 30 assignments are all but static .
I am a flower that droops in the wind, blooms in the sunbathe, obscures in the snowfall, expires in the desert. “Peoples lives” has been a repetition of seasons that comes and croaks, every now and then. If this holds true, then how can I not change, alter, mutate, downfall, get regenerated, almost constantly? If the universe itself is dynamic, infinitely expanding and contracting, then how can I not dance with it? How can I take everything I shared with you as static? My 30 assignments are all but static. They will change, change, mutate, breakdown, get reinstated, almost constantly. Earlier this year, I called the most difficult mosaic museum in the world. Now I remember that the mosaics I liked “the worlds largest”, are the ones that were partially erased, the ones whose qualities were partially modified. Theyre the ones that have abode the finds of epoch. Now I know that in another 30 years, this is exactly how my mosaic will be.
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